So my nephew D-Town just told me about the shenanigans that him and his buddy Crazy Locos got into this weekend. (I left their real names out of this because they are minors.

On Friday during school, these little shit heads decided to spend 14 bucks to buy up all the cookies in the lunch line so that no other kid would be able to enjoy any. It was my nephew’s idea, but his pal was there to convince him that it was worth doing. See my nephew knows that they make all the cookies for the next week on Friday, so there will be no cookies this coming week. Once word was spread around school about this feat many kids threatened to kick their ass.

Friday Night Crazy Loco stayed the night with my nephew and since my brother and his wife were out they left them money to order a pizza. When they called the pizza place they ordered a cheese pizza; when the delivery man showed up Crazy Locos sat in a recliner and pretended to be retarded while my nephew paid. 10 min later they called the pizza place yelling that they received the wrong pizza, just to see if they could get a free pizza out of it.

It worked a 2nd pizza was delivered an hour later. When the driver showed up Crazy Locos came walking out of the kitchen with only a sock covering his wang ala Red Hot Chili Peppers (Link is NSFW) as he passed the door where the delivery man was to head up stairs he turned back and said, “bye” to the poor driver. My nephew said the pizza guy almost fell back from shock. I wouldn’t have believed them had I not been shown the pic. I would have posted it, but that’s on some kiddie porn shit and I’m trying to stay free.

On Sat these kids ordered another pizza and this time a lady dropped the pizza off. When she got there Crazy Loco opened the door holding the family kitten. The lady instantly went on about how she loved cats and began petting the kitty. Crazy Loco stared into the lady’s eyes and said, “thanks for petting on my pussy.” as she looked at him with disgust my nephew just closed the door in her face.

I don’t know about you but these kids are en route to becoming Grade A Assholes, and I’m proud to say that my Nephew got a little of this from being around me. :) Crazy Locos earned mad respect point for having the stones to walk around in a cock sock just from jokes.

A Fort Worth man says he went to jail because the car he bought from a police auction had drugs hidden inside.

Manuel Coronado said he picked up his 1992 Grand Marquis from a Fort Worth police auction for $500.

“I figured it’d be clean. There’s no reason to search it front to back or nothing. I figured I bought it from a police impound, it’s good to go,” he said.

But according to Coronado it wasn’t.

Officers found 10 grams of heroin on the floorboard of the car after a recent tire blowout and car accident on Interstate 35W at Highway 121. Coronado believes the drugs were hidden somewhere in the air bag and fell out when it deployed.

He was arrested and taken to prison for the first time in his life.

Fort Worth police spokesman Sgt. Pedro Criado said all auction vehicles are searched before they are sold. But he admits the department is investigating Coronado’s claim.

“The components that are accessible via key — glove box or trunk, console area and the inner portions of the vehicle — those are what are searched,” he said.

Police plan to find out more about the history of the car, why it was impounded and who the previous owner was. If they find the drugs were already in the car when they sold it, they’ll have some decisions to make.

“As to whether or not to drop the charges on the person arrested and or reimburse any financial burden he encountered during this incident,” Criado said.

Yea Vato those cops believe you. Who would have known that buying Police Auction Cars is like getting a box of Cracker Jacks?

I am super lucky that I have made friends with some pretty awesome people due to DJing and Event Joe is one of the best. If you’re to much of a lazy fuck ass to click on Joe’s name I guess I will tell you that Joe is a Tour/Event Manager/ and over all badass.

I met Joe when he was managing a Tour for Z-Trip. Since we shared a lot of the same humor, knew some of the same people, and just loved music we hit it off. Now every time Joe has been in Dallas he has called us up to at least have dinner., because of Joe I have been lucky enough to have great seats to both the Police and U2 concerts; but neither are as cool as just shooting the shit around town with him. We always seem to go somewhere and bother people with our smart ass comments and uncomfortable touches.

Well Joe was in town to scout some situations for a full out Alpha Team Command center, and we took him to our favorite Monday hang out, Barcadia We enjoyed half price food, talking shit to NVS about Twitter, and not doing so well in Spy Hunter.

If you ever become a super famous musical act and you need someone to run shit correctly, holler at my man Joe. I remember one time NVS and I opened for Z Trip in Dallas, and the Douche Club Manger tried to get funny with the money; Joe swooped in and must have baby powdered that bitch cause Z walked out with full pay.

If your lucky next time Joe is in town you will get to hang with us.

Shout out to AddielG for the pics Peep his Flickr, dude is putting in work…

Man Team Jordan and Nike just keep finding ways to be completely awesome.

I get an email from Team Jorday today and this is what it said.

Banned by the league and worn by Michael Jordan during his high-flying rookie year, the Air Jordan I redefined hoops shoes. 25 years later, the revolution has come full circle with the performance re-engineered Air Jordan Alpha 1 iD.

NIKEiD wants you to create your own Air Jordan Alpha 1 iD using special limited-edition colors. 23 daily chances to design an exclusive Air Jordan Alpha 1 iD will be made available on NIKEiD for 25 days, with the final two days featuring designs created on-site during All-Star Weekend.

This opportunity runs January 21 through February 12, so don’t miss your chance to design your own Air Jordan Alpha 1 iD in unique NIKEiD colors.

CREATE YOUR DESIGN AT NIKEiD (try to be one of the lucky 23 there are 24 days left)

I almost wet my panties a little bit when I read that shit, and I was just getting home when I finished reading that email, so you know I ran inside jumped on my laptop and tried my luck at being one of the first 23. God must like me today because look what I am getting soon.

What ya’ll think of the colorway I went with?

Taken From TMZ (I wont link them cause they are douche throttles.)
Jon Cryer — who stars with Charlie Sheen in “Two and a Half Men” old authorities his life was in danger — possibly by a hitman — and TMZ has learned the FBI is investigating.

Cryer sounded the alarm last Friday. Sources tell us Cryer told law enforcement he believed his ex-wife hired a hitman to kill him.

Cryer and his ex have been embroiled in a bitter custody fight, which has gotten even more intense recently.

Sources tell us the FBI has been on the case for a week. As far as we know the agency has no suspects. The FBI declined comment. descended on the set of “Two and a Half Men” last Friday and the show was taped without an audience. We’re told this Friday’s show will also be taped without an audience … but it’s for creative, not security reasons.

Our sources say Cryer has told people the threat has abated and he feels more secure.

Cryer’s ex-wife Told us ast Friday she was unaware of any threat against Jon.

Looks Like Cryer needs to start Hiding Out

This story goes back to my days as a junior high student. Its funny how I will randomly remember these stories and think to myself, “fuck I need to blog this.”

The year was 92 and I was going to middle school in Oak Cliff; with my father working in Pleasant Grove he would have to drop me off with his cousin and his cousin would drop me off at school. I would always end up getting dropped off around 6:30, and would have to wait around til 730-8 to get to school; this let to much Tom Foolery

One of the things that was awesome about being around so early was that my Dad’s cousin would give me 20 bucks to go across the street to 7-11 to get his morning coffee and doughnut; he would also let me keep the change. The bad part about being around so early was dealing with all the bums who loitered around. There was one Bum who stuck out the most, and his name was Ervin.

Ervin was more of a wino than a bum, and you could say that he had a Tom and Jerry like relationship with my cousin; he was always coming around for a handout and my cousin was always chasing him out. Well one day Ervin came in begging as usual and I guess my cousin had reached that limit, because he told Ervin, “if you get on your knees and crawl from the door to the counter begging me for money I will give you everything in my wallet.” Well if you knew my cousin you knew that he never kept money in his wallet, so after than long crawl my cousin opened up his wallet to show Ervin that it was empty. All my cousin said was, “better luck next time” as he chased him out of the store. That had to be one of the funniest yet awful things I had ever and have still ever seen in my life. My cousin just laughed it off.

Months had gone by and things had gotten back to status quo of Ervin coming in begging and either getting chased out or given a dollar and then being chased out, and if Ervin was lucky my cousin would give him a fiver to go to 7-11 and pick up his morning coffee and doughnut. (mother fucker was taking my job)

A few more month had passed by and Ervin had scored himself a gofer job when ever I was not around and one day my cousin had no change so he gave Ervin a 20 with instructions on how to handle the change. Well Ervin was not one to forget so as he walked out side he saw a bus, ran and jump on it while shooting my cousin the finger. Guess Ervin got his revenge.

My man is a sick DJ, and has one of the best jobs in the world; he works the Nike ID studio in the London Nike Town.

Download his mix I assure you that you will love it.

I’m so excited that I finally have this mix up and available for download. To date, this is still the best mixtape I’ve ever worked on. Listening to it brings back so many memories of my early days of DJing. I must give a huge shout out to my homie John Dub for uploading the mix for me. He had a copy and hearing it in his car made my week. I really hope you all enjoy this as much as we enjoyed making it. For those of you that don’t know, Los Hip-Hop Guys was myself, DJ NVS, and Ingtoo!

Download: Los Hip-Hop Guys – Volume 1

A Georgia couple is facing child-cruelty charges for tattooing their six kids.

Georgia authorities say they used a homemade device to tattoo black crosses on the hands of their children. But, the children’s mother says they weren’t hurt and she doesn’t understand why she was arrested.

Patty “Jo Jo” Marsh said, “I don’t understand why this got blowed up so big, I love my children, we’d never do anything to harm our kids.”

Marsh was proud to show reporters the tattoos that her boyfriend put on her arms and legs. But Chattooga County Sheriff John Everett said Marsh and her boyfriend, Jacob
Edward Bartels, went too far by tattooing their children – a 10-year-old, two 11-year-olds, a 12-year-old, a 15-year-old and a 7-year-old. Everett said, “We’ve never seen anything, or heard of anything like this in the surrounding counties, or anywhere.”

Sheriff Everett said the children were tattooed with a black cross on their hand – in the web between their thumb and forefinger – with a home made tattoo gun.

The device is made with a variable power supply, an electric motor, wiring, an ink pen and a sharpened piece of guitar string used as a needle. A vial of black ink was used for coloring. The sheriff says the needle was used on all six children by Bartels.

Marsh said, “We have kids from separate marriages, Okay, so I have four and he has three but they’re all ours, you know. Anyway, so they wanted one so we’re like Okay, so it’s just a little biddy cross right here, Okay?”

The sheriff learned about the tattoos from the mother of some of Bartels’ children. Everett said, “The mother picked the two children up and noticed the marks on their hand and she brought it to our investigator’s attention and we did the investigation and found there was six children.”

Marsh and Bartels are charged with illegal tattooing, cruelty to children and reckless conduct.

Marsh said, “I don’t think we did anything wrong, the kids don’t think we did anything wrong, this is crazy and this is blowed up so bad.”

It’s a crime in Georgia anyone under 18 to be tatooed.

Damn Wonder what will get you grounded in that house, murder?
What’s for Xmas, Piercings?

So on Christmas day my brother Ed told me probably the greatest X-Mas story told to him by one of his co-workers, and I begged him to get her permission to share the story with my readers. What you’re about to read is the story of Ian, the kid who wanted to be a Raccoon for X-Mas. Ian might be one of the coolest kids of all time. This was the email sent to my brother.

This all started when we asked him (Ian) what he WANTED for Christmas…to which he replies…”I want to be a raccoon!”…My mom took it upon herself to order the costume online and have it shipped to my house. The day it arrived he couldn’t wait to put it on! He must have put it on and taken it off a dozen times that week! He had it on one night, running around the house…Out of no where, he told Jimmy(Ian’s Dad)…”I’m going to put my raccoon suit on and Santa is going to come pick me up for Christmas!” He was so certain that he started telling everyone, that Santa was going to pick him up and take him with him on Christmas! I was getting both of the kids dressed to get their picture made with Santa, and Ian made sure that we didn’t forget his “raccoon suit”. We got to the Galleria to see Santa…we got some pretty good stares as we pulled the raccoon costume out and started putting it on him! Santa was thrilled to meet his little raccoon sidekick! He told Ian, he was the 1st racoon he had seen all year…and probably the last for many years to come.

You’ve got to fucking love kids man. What imagination it must take to dream up that Santa wants to take you as a raccoon out on Christmas; aslo what she left out in the email was that when asked by Santa what he wanted for Xmas, Ian said that He wanted to be a turtle.