Sometimes a “live and let live” mindset can cause you to follow a path that was not meant for you. Luckily, we are not those kind of people. Now that we’ve put your relationship to the test and you have found that you did in-fact marry the wrong person, it’s time to take it all one step further. Here are 10 reasons you should have your ex deported.

Disclaimer: Once again, you must know that this is written by Dibbs and Wreckin’ ball and yes she is a woman. It is all in good humor and written as a joke. Don’t take it too seriously.

1. You got married while drunk on tour in Las Vegas and can barely remember it. Oh, if only it were true, what happens in Vegas stays in Canada…oops I meant Vegas.

2. You had a fake wedding for his/her parents in which you and your parents lie and pretend to not know that you’ve been married for two years already.

3. His/her parents are hardline (enter religious or spiritual belief here) but don’t know that he/she has tattoos everywhere, drinks, smokes, does coke, weed, ecstasy and pretty much anything you can put in front of him/her and has hidden it since he/she was 15 years old.

4. You’ve lost managers, friends, etc. just because he/she didn’t like them and all they ever did was have your back and help you, which in turn took the spot light off the of the attention whore.  I’m sorry Amy, Mes, Timmy, Riq, etc.

5. After finally achieving a state of civility with your kid’s mom, your spouse says to her at a family BBQ, “Your son doesn’t really look like him at all, are you sure it’s his?”

6. You logged into your Xbox live account and have messages from a stranger saying, “Are you still coming to ride me in my hot tub?”, and she just went to Argentina for a month to go “horse back riding.”

7. You gave up awesome sex with your would-be mistress for disgustingly oversized, looks-like-an-unrolled-pack-of-Carl-Budding-ham-labia flapping in the wind, let-me-fake-another-orgasm-bullshit. Oh yeah, just because you scratch me, doesn’t make it sexy. Lamest in bed. You rule at it…in-fact it’s one of the only things you’re good at. Ask anyone you had sex with.

8. You found out she worked for a porn website masturbating online for creepy old dudes. This was the only job she could ever get on her own, and still lost it a month later.

9. Her stupid “I’m-always-right”, boojwah, daddy’s girl ass immigrated finally got a job and because she’s “special”, didn’t think she had to pay taxes, then years later found out when she got a letter from the IRS.

10. She messaged a friend of yours on Facebook with this message:

Do you really think we’re fucking stupid and wouldn’t screen capture this? Thanks for validating that this is all true. So yes, she wipes from back to front and it’s all true.

Bonus Reason: Because you suck and no one wants you here.

Please feel free to add your own reasons to have your ex deported in the comments!!!

Download Mr. Dibbs‘ new EP, Inducing Panic, for free at Mega Royal Records.com